Loose ends chapter 17 - unhinged
Feb. 20th, 2017 10:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coriariaSnape confuses Harry with James, and begs Lupin to keep a secret. Low level violence, generally angsty, very oblique reference to rape. R
This is a work of fan fiction. The world and all recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and I make no claim or profit etc
Unhinged
Lupin was in bed, but not asleep, when Harry called his name. Harry’s voice had a tone of desperation and Remus struggled from his bed as quickly as he could. Snape’s physical withdrawal had finally passed the night after the full moon, and now his mind was releasing the suppressed dreams day and night. Lupin was wishing for the return of Sevvy, as now Snape was finding himself trapped in memories from throughout his life. The previous afternoon, Snape had believed himself to be eighteen, a young death eater determined to win the favour of Voldemort. On seeing Lupin, he had gone for Lupin’s wand and had immediately performed the Cruciatus curse, leaving Lupin writhing on the ground screaming for several minutes. Harry had restrained Snape, but the damage was done, and Lupin suffered hours of after-effects.
Lupin felt a sense of dread at the tone in Harry’s voice. He took a deep breath and somehow summoned the strength to carry himself and his chair to Harry’s room.
Snape had Harry up against the wall, his arm up against Harry’s throat, although not hard enough to choke him.
“Not so brave without your friends around, are you Potter? Four against one is more your style isn’t it.”
Harry looked desperately at Remus and called his name again.
“Really, Potter? Calling for Lupin? He’s the most pathetic of the lot of you.”
Lupin gripped his wand, keeping it low beside him. He wasn’t sure he had enough strength to restrain Snape for long, but he could give Harry a chance to get away if he needed to.
“Severus, let go of him,” he said, firmly, but calmly.
“Go back to the infirmary, Lupin.”
Lupin repeated himself, this time more firmly.
Snape turned, still with his arm against Harry’s neck. His face twisted into an angry sneer.
“Fuck off, Lupin,” he spat, his voice filled with hatred.
“Severus, I won’t ask again, let him go.”
Snape suddenly pushed Harry away from him and turned to Lupin. Harry fell back onto his bed, and began scrambling for his wand. Snape stepped forward towards Lupin, then his face changed, filling with horror as he took in Lupin’s scarred face and broken body.
“What happened to you?”
Lupin could see panic rising in Snape’s face. Snape’s breathing became more rapid and he stepped towards Lupin.
“Oh Merlin, what happened? Did he get you? Did Avery get you?”
Suddenly Snape turned on Harry, who had stood up behind him, holding his wand. Snape’s face twisting in fury again.
“You useless bastard. You were supposed to protect him. What’s the point of asshole friends like you and Black if you can’t at least protect him.”
Harry stepped backwards away from Snape, the man’s anger frightening. Harry had never seen him so unhinged, with such a rapid shifting of emotions.
“What about Lily? Did you at least protect her? Please tell me she’s okay?”
Snape’s voice shifted from angry to anxious, and his breath began to come in strangled gasps. Harry looked at Lupin.
“He’s making no sense at all. Do you know what he’s going on about?”
“I have no idea, Harry. He obviously thinks you’re James though. I think you’d best leave us.”
Harry looked dubiously at Lupin and then Snape, who was now standing with his arms wrapped around himself, hyperventilating.
“Let me deal with this, Harry.”
Lupin’s voice had acquired a flinty tone, something Harry hadn’t heard since the war. He turned and walked from the room, in some doubt that Lupin knew what he was doing, but unwilling to argue with that tone.
Lupin reached out and placed his hand very gently on Snape’s arm.
“Severus, it’s ok. Nothing’s happened. I’m fine.”
Snape shook his head.
“I’m fine, and Lily’s fine. He hasn’t got to us.”
Snape looked more closely at Lupin. His breathing slowed slightly.
“Then what happened?”
“You know me, always sick with something or another, I’ll be fine in a day or two.”
Lupin wasn’t entirely sure what Snape was seeing, but he had an idea that he could influence the direction of what the man saw. It had to be worth a try.
Snape nodded to him, visibly calmer.
“Bad transformation, then?” he said, his eyes watching Lupin closely.
Lupin stared back, surprised. Avery had left the school before the events at the Shrieking Shack. Was this truly just a confused nightmare, or had Snape known before then?
“I’m not an idiot, Lupin. There are potion ingredients that need to be harvested at certain phases of the moon. I keep track of these things.”
Snape paused. His voice took on a hard tone as he continued.
“I haven’t said anything. I know how to keep a secret. As I assume you do too.”
The last words almost carried an edge of menace. You tell my secret, I’ll tell yours, he seemed to say.
“I know how to keep secrets, Severus. I’ve told nobody.”
Snape nodded, then sank back onto the bed, his face draining of both colour and expression.
“Come on Severus, lie down now, under the covers.”
Snape complied, not looking at Lupin, eyes straight ahead. Lupin took his hand and held it as Snape closed his eyes and returned to sleep.
Harry returned as soon as the room was silent.
“Is he okay?”
“Seems to be. He’s calm again. Did he hurt you, Harry?”
“No, I’m okay. He gave me a fright, and I’m a bit shaken, but he’s not that strong. I just didn’t want to hurt him or make things worse by getting into a struggle with him.”
Lupin nodded. Harry was right, it would have made things worse.
“What was he going on about Avery for? Why was he talking about me – or James – protecting you and my mother?”
“I really don’t know Harry. These are dreams he’s trapped in now, not strictly memories. You had some pretty strange ones, very little of what you said made sense when you were hallucinating.”
Harry nodded.
“I know. He was just quite convincing, as if it was very real to him.”
“It is, Harry,” Lupin replied. “It is real to him right now.”
He held Snape’s hand gently. The man looked so calm.
“I can stay here with him, Harry. Do you want to take my room tonight?”
“Is that a good idea?”
“He’s calmer with me, I think he’s less likely to try and fight me.”
“Are you sure? He’s hurt you twice already.”
“I’ll be ok, and I think you need a break for a bit.”
Harry nodded.
“If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
Lupin settled back in his chair as Harry left. He had not been entirely honest with either Harry or Snape. He did, unfortunately, know exactly what Snape was talking about, and, despite what he’d said, Avery had got him. Lupin had been left with a black eye, a broken nose, a couple of broken ribs and a spectacular collection of bruises that had required some creative explanation to Madame Pomphrey. But Lupin knew that the beating was only a prelude for what Avery had intended. Lupin was in no doubt he would have done it too, had James, Sirius and Peter not intervened. Snape had been right in anticipating that Lupin’s friends would protect him.
Snape gave a small whimper in his sleep, and Lupin held his hand more firmly.
“Hush now, you’re okay, Severus.”
“No, no. Please, no.”
“Shh, I’m here, you’re safe. Nobody will hurt you.”
Snape gave another whimper, and his eyes opened.
“Don’t tell, Lupin. Please don’t tell,” he begged.
“I won’t, Severus, I promise.”
Lupin settled himself back in his chair, watching Snape as he drifted back to sleep again. He also understood exactly what he was not to tell, and he truly never had, even though sometimes he thought he should have. He didn’t even like to think about the events of that night, but somehow they never went away. Lupin had come to think of it as “that which must not be named”. The thing that was always between them but must never be mentioned, the reason Snape had hated him so much.
This is a work of fan fiction. The world and all recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and I make no claim or profit etc
Unhinged
Lupin was in bed, but not asleep, when Harry called his name. Harry’s voice had a tone of desperation and Remus struggled from his bed as quickly as he could. Snape’s physical withdrawal had finally passed the night after the full moon, and now his mind was releasing the suppressed dreams day and night. Lupin was wishing for the return of Sevvy, as now Snape was finding himself trapped in memories from throughout his life. The previous afternoon, Snape had believed himself to be eighteen, a young death eater determined to win the favour of Voldemort. On seeing Lupin, he had gone for Lupin’s wand and had immediately performed the Cruciatus curse, leaving Lupin writhing on the ground screaming for several minutes. Harry had restrained Snape, but the damage was done, and Lupin suffered hours of after-effects.
Lupin felt a sense of dread at the tone in Harry’s voice. He took a deep breath and somehow summoned the strength to carry himself and his chair to Harry’s room.
Snape had Harry up against the wall, his arm up against Harry’s throat, although not hard enough to choke him.
“Not so brave without your friends around, are you Potter? Four against one is more your style isn’t it.”
Harry looked desperately at Remus and called his name again.
“Really, Potter? Calling for Lupin? He’s the most pathetic of the lot of you.”
Lupin gripped his wand, keeping it low beside him. He wasn’t sure he had enough strength to restrain Snape for long, but he could give Harry a chance to get away if he needed to.
“Severus, let go of him,” he said, firmly, but calmly.
“Go back to the infirmary, Lupin.”
Lupin repeated himself, this time more firmly.
Snape turned, still with his arm against Harry’s neck. His face twisted into an angry sneer.
“Fuck off, Lupin,” he spat, his voice filled with hatred.
“Severus, I won’t ask again, let him go.”
Snape suddenly pushed Harry away from him and turned to Lupin. Harry fell back onto his bed, and began scrambling for his wand. Snape stepped forward towards Lupin, then his face changed, filling with horror as he took in Lupin’s scarred face and broken body.
“What happened to you?”
Lupin could see panic rising in Snape’s face. Snape’s breathing became more rapid and he stepped towards Lupin.
“Oh Merlin, what happened? Did he get you? Did Avery get you?”
Suddenly Snape turned on Harry, who had stood up behind him, holding his wand. Snape’s face twisting in fury again.
“You useless bastard. You were supposed to protect him. What’s the point of asshole friends like you and Black if you can’t at least protect him.”
Harry stepped backwards away from Snape, the man’s anger frightening. Harry had never seen him so unhinged, with such a rapid shifting of emotions.
“What about Lily? Did you at least protect her? Please tell me she’s okay?”
Snape’s voice shifted from angry to anxious, and his breath began to come in strangled gasps. Harry looked at Lupin.
“He’s making no sense at all. Do you know what he’s going on about?”
“I have no idea, Harry. He obviously thinks you’re James though. I think you’d best leave us.”
Harry looked dubiously at Lupin and then Snape, who was now standing with his arms wrapped around himself, hyperventilating.
“Let me deal with this, Harry.”
Lupin’s voice had acquired a flinty tone, something Harry hadn’t heard since the war. He turned and walked from the room, in some doubt that Lupin knew what he was doing, but unwilling to argue with that tone.
Lupin reached out and placed his hand very gently on Snape’s arm.
“Severus, it’s ok. Nothing’s happened. I’m fine.”
Snape shook his head.
“I’m fine, and Lily’s fine. He hasn’t got to us.”
Snape looked more closely at Lupin. His breathing slowed slightly.
“Then what happened?”
“You know me, always sick with something or another, I’ll be fine in a day or two.”
Lupin wasn’t entirely sure what Snape was seeing, but he had an idea that he could influence the direction of what the man saw. It had to be worth a try.
Snape nodded to him, visibly calmer.
“Bad transformation, then?” he said, his eyes watching Lupin closely.
Lupin stared back, surprised. Avery had left the school before the events at the Shrieking Shack. Was this truly just a confused nightmare, or had Snape known before then?
“I’m not an idiot, Lupin. There are potion ingredients that need to be harvested at certain phases of the moon. I keep track of these things.”
Snape paused. His voice took on a hard tone as he continued.
“I haven’t said anything. I know how to keep a secret. As I assume you do too.”
The last words almost carried an edge of menace. You tell my secret, I’ll tell yours, he seemed to say.
“I know how to keep secrets, Severus. I’ve told nobody.”
Snape nodded, then sank back onto the bed, his face draining of both colour and expression.
“Come on Severus, lie down now, under the covers.”
Snape complied, not looking at Lupin, eyes straight ahead. Lupin took his hand and held it as Snape closed his eyes and returned to sleep.
Harry returned as soon as the room was silent.
“Is he okay?”
“Seems to be. He’s calm again. Did he hurt you, Harry?”
“No, I’m okay. He gave me a fright, and I’m a bit shaken, but he’s not that strong. I just didn’t want to hurt him or make things worse by getting into a struggle with him.”
Lupin nodded. Harry was right, it would have made things worse.
“What was he going on about Avery for? Why was he talking about me – or James – protecting you and my mother?”
“I really don’t know Harry. These are dreams he’s trapped in now, not strictly memories. You had some pretty strange ones, very little of what you said made sense when you were hallucinating.”
Harry nodded.
“I know. He was just quite convincing, as if it was very real to him.”
“It is, Harry,” Lupin replied. “It is real to him right now.”
He held Snape’s hand gently. The man looked so calm.
“I can stay here with him, Harry. Do you want to take my room tonight?”
“Is that a good idea?”
“He’s calmer with me, I think he’s less likely to try and fight me.”
“Are you sure? He’s hurt you twice already.”
“I’ll be ok, and I think you need a break for a bit.”
Harry nodded.
“If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
Lupin settled back in his chair as Harry left. He had not been entirely honest with either Harry or Snape. He did, unfortunately, know exactly what Snape was talking about, and, despite what he’d said, Avery had got him. Lupin had been left with a black eye, a broken nose, a couple of broken ribs and a spectacular collection of bruises that had required some creative explanation to Madame Pomphrey. But Lupin knew that the beating was only a prelude for what Avery had intended. Lupin was in no doubt he would have done it too, had James, Sirius and Peter not intervened. Snape had been right in anticipating that Lupin’s friends would protect him.
Snape gave a small whimper in his sleep, and Lupin held his hand more firmly.
“Hush now, you’re okay, Severus.”
“No, no. Please, no.”
“Shh, I’m here, you’re safe. Nobody will hurt you.”
Snape gave another whimper, and his eyes opened.
“Don’t tell, Lupin. Please don’t tell,” he begged.
“I won’t, Severus, I promise.”
Lupin settled himself back in his chair, watching Snape as he drifted back to sleep again. He also understood exactly what he was not to tell, and he truly never had, even though sometimes he thought he should have. He didn’t even like to think about the events of that night, but somehow they never went away. Lupin had come to think of it as “that which must not be named”. The thing that was always between them but must never be mentioned, the reason Snape had hated him so much.
