Loose ends chapter 15 - Hagrid
Feb. 19th, 2017 11:57 amHagrid visits in preparation for the full moon. A bit of angst and swearing. PG.
This is a work of fan fiction. The world and all recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and I make no claim or profit etc
Hagrid
By the time Hagrid arrived in the afternoon, the worst of the fever and cough had passed. Andromeda had completed the rehydration and Snape had slept for a couple of hours before waking. It was a sullen and uncommunicative Snape who awoke, but Lupin was at least relieved that Hagrid had a chance to speak with the adult Snape before meeting Sevvy.
“Nice ter see yeh again, Professor. It’s bin a while.”
Snape scowled at Hagrid’s cheerful greeting.
“Yer in a right sorry state, aren’t yeh?” Hagrid added bluntly.
“Fuck off,” growled Snape.
“In that sort o’ mood, eh? Don’t s’pose it matters, I’ll be here ter see yeh don’t manage to kill yerself or anyone else. There’s nothin’ that says yeh have ter talk to me, better than usin’ that language. I’ll have much more pleasant company anyway.”
Hagrid leaned down to pat Grimmy, who was sitting on Hagrid’s foot and looking adoringly up at him. Grimmy would be delighted to have Hagrid’s company during the full moon. Like the rest of the household, he was unsettled when Lupin was not there.
“I’ll take Grimmy out ter the garden for a bit then? Don’t s’pose yeh’ve had time?”
“That would be wonderful, Hagrid.”
Extracting his foot from underneath Grimmy, Hagrid left the room, followed by the eager dog. A few minutes later, the pair appeared in the garden, and Hagrid began throwing the ball.
“Would you like to watch them, Severus?”
“Why would I want to do that, Lupin?” Snape replied through clenched teeth.
“Oh, I don’t know,” replied Lupin in a slightly snappy tone, “Because you are bored of staring at the wall sulking? Because it might take your mind off feeling sorry for yourself for a few minutes?”
Snape gave Lupin a dirty look, then began struggling upright. Lupin reached across to assist him, although in his weakened state, Lupin was no great help. Snape rested his head against the window frame, breathing heavily, exhausted by the effort of getting up. He winced at the thumping in his head.
“Would you like some water?”
“I…” Snape paused, concentration on his face. “I don’t know. I’m thirsty but…”
“Still feeling sick?”
Snape gave no answer, but looked out the window and watched Hagrid with Grimmy.
“Lupin, I remember a healer coming. She wasn’t from St Mungo’s, was she?”
“No Severus. You were rather upset at the prospect of going to St Mungo’s. You were equally reluctant for us to call Madame Pomphrey or Hermione. So we called Lucretia Temple. She’s the werewolf healer from the Institute.”
Snape glanced briefly at Lupin without moving his head.
“Temple? So when you say she’s a werewolf healer, you mean she’s a werewolf, as well as a healer for werewolves.”
Lupin raised his eyebrow. It was most impolite to ask directly whether someone was a werewolf. He also thought it curious that Snape had heard of the secretive family, that he knew the name almost certainly meant she was a werewolf.
It had been a Ministry decree, many years ago, that a woman who was bitten could never change her name, not for marriage, not for divorce, not to hide her past. Because any baby she bore would be turned in the womb. And because the child would carry her curse, it must carry her name, not the father’s.
Centuries had passed since the first Temple woman – a legendary healer – was turned. The story went that she was pregnant and bore a werewolf daughter, thus starting the line. From that point onwards, the Temples were werewolf healers. They shunned contact with “Alunars”, and the Ministry preferred that things stayed that way. Occasionally a desperate witch or wizard would track one of them down, seeking treatment from the werewolves when all else failed. There were stories of remarkable cures, although with a substantial payment demanded unless they were treating a werewolf. The Temples were a law unto themselves.
“You are well-informed, Severus,” Lupin said eventually.
“There are discussions among potion makers. The Temples have invented many potions, healing potions mostly. At times they have been willing to share the recipes. Most of the potions are so difficult that few are interested in making them, although some have made it into wider use. ” Snape paused, frowning. “Oh, shit, I thought my brain was actually working for once, but…I have no idea what those potions are.”
“Argyria, Dragonbalm and Postlune are the only ones I’m aware of. Argyria’s been known about for years of course.” Lupin said, failing to mask a look of pain as he remembered the months of agonising treatment, with the smoking liquid poured onto his wounds from a silver jug. “And Drgaonbalm. Postlune is new, Lucretia introduced that.”
“That… that doesn’t sound familiar. What is it? What’s in it?”
Lupin smiled slightly, noticing a definite spark of interest in Snape’s voice.
“It’s a healing potion for after the full moon. It’s amazing, werewolves who are fit are often nearly at full strength again in a few hours. I’m still in a bad way for a few days, but then I’m…not in the best shape anyway. I couldn’t tell you exactly what was in it, but if I remember correctly, there are a lot of poisons. Orpiment, I think. Ergot and… henbane. I couldn’t name them all though. Apparently it’s very difficult and dangerous. Maybe not as difficult as Wolfsbane, but definitely quite advanced.”
“I don’t suppose they would share the recipe? Not that I could make it, but…I suppose it would be interesting to see.”
“I’m sure I could ask. And if you were looking for a distraction, I do have a few old potion books here.”
“You? What are you doing with potion books?” Snape snorted scornfully.
“I wasn’t completely incompetent, Severus.”
“No, you weren’t,” Snape admitted. “You always let people think you were less capable than you really were. A lifelong habit of yours. You were actually quite competent at times, I remember you brewed…”
Snape’s voice tailed off and his face lost its expression. Lupin looked at him. Had Snape got confused, lost the thread of his thought? Or had he strayed into a memory he wanted to forget. Lupin redirected the conversation into a safer direction.
“Lucretia will come back tomorrow and check on you before she takes me back to the Institute for the full moon.”
“She’s the healer who has been treating you, isn’t she?”
Lupin nodded.
“She saved my life. Even if the St Mungo’s healers had treated me, which they wouldn’t, I doubt they’d have taken so much care. Nobody expected me to be able to walk again, and I can, sometimes anyway. At one stage I could barely do any magic, now I can do most things, at least on my better days. She doesn’t have much experience with eyes, so she hasn’t been able to figure out what’s wrong with my eye, but that’s not so bad. With the glasses I get by.”
Lupin turned again to Hagrid and Grimmy in the garden. Grimmy was bounding around Hagrid, tirelessly streaking after the ball when he threw it, occasionally flopping on his back at Hagrid’s feet to get his belly scratched.
“I could watch Grimmy for hours, Severus. Just watching his complete joy in life makes me feel a little happier.”
“Small things amuse small minds, Lupin.”
Lupin glanced at Snape. He was tempted to remind the man that he willingly spent many hours with the dog himself, but stopped himself from baiting Snape while he was still ill.
Although Snape was undoubtedly better than he had been earlier, Lupin was still concerned. Snape was slumped against the window frame, too weak to sit comfortably upright. Without the flush of fever, his face was deathly pale, and he was underweight almost to the point of emaciation. And Lupin noticed something that hadn’t been there earlier, a faint trembling. He could just be cold, but it could also be a return of the post-Cruciatus symptoms.
“Severus?”
Lupin put his hand gently on Snape’s back, feeling the tremors that were building up deep in his body.
“Severus, do you need the anti-Crucio potion?”
Snape said nothing.
“Severus?”
“I’m fine.”
“I really don’t think so, Severus.”
Lupin looked at him more closely. Snape was avoiding his eyes, and had an odd expression on his face.
“Severus, what is it?” A note of irritation was creeping into Lupin’s voice.
Very softly, Snape replied, “You can’t take the anti-Crucio potion.”
Lupin realised that the look on Snape’s face was guilt. He let out a huff of breath.
“For Merlin’s sake, Severus, don’t be ridiculous. If you need the damn potion, just take it.”
Snape flinched at the snappy tone in Lupin’s voice. Realising just how fragile the man still was, Lupin immediately regretted his sharp words. He was always irritable in the days before the full moon, along with the tiredness, aches, lack of concentration and frustrating absent-mindedness.
“I’m sorry, Severus, I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” he said, his voice now gentle again. “You know, Harry needs the potion himself on occasion. It doesn’t bother me that he takes it although I can’t. It would upset me far more to watch him suffer.”
“Yes, but he’s… Harry Potter. He’s…”
“He’s what, Severus?”
“You… he’s your friend’s son. You care about him.”
“I care about you too, Severus. We all do. Please, Severus, take the potion.”
Snape hung his head forward and sighed. Finally he nodded, without lifting his head or meeting Lupin’s eye. Lupin reached for the bottle, poured out a measure and gave it to Snape.
“Thank you, Lupin,” Snape said quietly.
“It’s no trouble, Severus,” Lupin responded, realising that it was a rare thing indeed to be thanked by Snape.
“Well, that’s a lie. Clearly it’s a great deal of trouble. I’ve caused you nothing but trouble. I…I don’t understand why. Why you would do this for me.”
Lupin looked across at Snape, noticing the resigned expression and the way he hung his head, as if ashamed. As if, Lupin thought, he didn’t believe he deserved to be cared for when sick. As if he didn’t believe he deserved friends who would stand by him when he needed help.
“You know that we all agreed on this, don’t you, when we first realised how ill you were?”
“Who? Agreed on what?”
“Harry, Andromeda and I. That we would look after you. Get you through this time. And then give you a home if you needed one. We all agreed you would never end up in Asphodel Fields.”
“But why, I don’t understand.”
Snape looked down, his voice soft, almost whimpering.
“Because we care about you, Severus. Because you were one of the great heroes of the war, both wars. You made huge sacrifices to carry out Dumbledore’s wishes, and he asked more of you than anyone should ask of another. You deserve to have people stand by you now.”
“That’s rubbish. I did my part, as you did. I also did the most appalling things. I didn’t join the death eaters to be Dumbledore’s spy, I joined because I wanted to. I committed countless atrocities, created foul potions and hexes, I tortured, I killed. I’m a despicable, disgusting creature and there is nothing that will erase the vileness of what I’ve done, nothing, nothing.”
Snape was becoming agitated, his breathing rapid, eyes wild. Lupin placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Severus, please, that’s not true. I’ve seen time and again that you are a good man. Please, please calm yourself.”
Snape shook his head, but his breathing slowed. As it did, his eyes went blank, and Lupin realised that he was trying to find some mental shields. Asking Snape to calm himself was a mistake when his mind was in such as state.
“Severus, stay with me.”
But Snape had retreated to an unreachable corner of his mind. In his place, Lupin was once again faced with Sevvy.
This is a work of fan fiction. The world and all recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling and I make no claim or profit etc
Hagrid
By the time Hagrid arrived in the afternoon, the worst of the fever and cough had passed. Andromeda had completed the rehydration and Snape had slept for a couple of hours before waking. It was a sullen and uncommunicative Snape who awoke, but Lupin was at least relieved that Hagrid had a chance to speak with the adult Snape before meeting Sevvy.
“Nice ter see yeh again, Professor. It’s bin a while.”
Snape scowled at Hagrid’s cheerful greeting.
“Yer in a right sorry state, aren’t yeh?” Hagrid added bluntly.
“Fuck off,” growled Snape.
“In that sort o’ mood, eh? Don’t s’pose it matters, I’ll be here ter see yeh don’t manage to kill yerself or anyone else. There’s nothin’ that says yeh have ter talk to me, better than usin’ that language. I’ll have much more pleasant company anyway.”
Hagrid leaned down to pat Grimmy, who was sitting on Hagrid’s foot and looking adoringly up at him. Grimmy would be delighted to have Hagrid’s company during the full moon. Like the rest of the household, he was unsettled when Lupin was not there.
“I’ll take Grimmy out ter the garden for a bit then? Don’t s’pose yeh’ve had time?”
“That would be wonderful, Hagrid.”
Extracting his foot from underneath Grimmy, Hagrid left the room, followed by the eager dog. A few minutes later, the pair appeared in the garden, and Hagrid began throwing the ball.
“Would you like to watch them, Severus?”
“Why would I want to do that, Lupin?” Snape replied through clenched teeth.
“Oh, I don’t know,” replied Lupin in a slightly snappy tone, “Because you are bored of staring at the wall sulking? Because it might take your mind off feeling sorry for yourself for a few minutes?”
Snape gave Lupin a dirty look, then began struggling upright. Lupin reached across to assist him, although in his weakened state, Lupin was no great help. Snape rested his head against the window frame, breathing heavily, exhausted by the effort of getting up. He winced at the thumping in his head.
“Would you like some water?”
“I…” Snape paused, concentration on his face. “I don’t know. I’m thirsty but…”
“Still feeling sick?”
Snape gave no answer, but looked out the window and watched Hagrid with Grimmy.
“Lupin, I remember a healer coming. She wasn’t from St Mungo’s, was she?”
“No Severus. You were rather upset at the prospect of going to St Mungo’s. You were equally reluctant for us to call Madame Pomphrey or Hermione. So we called Lucretia Temple. She’s the werewolf healer from the Institute.”
Snape glanced briefly at Lupin without moving his head.
“Temple? So when you say she’s a werewolf healer, you mean she’s a werewolf, as well as a healer for werewolves.”
Lupin raised his eyebrow. It was most impolite to ask directly whether someone was a werewolf. He also thought it curious that Snape had heard of the secretive family, that he knew the name almost certainly meant she was a werewolf.
It had been a Ministry decree, many years ago, that a woman who was bitten could never change her name, not for marriage, not for divorce, not to hide her past. Because any baby she bore would be turned in the womb. And because the child would carry her curse, it must carry her name, not the father’s.
Centuries had passed since the first Temple woman – a legendary healer – was turned. The story went that she was pregnant and bore a werewolf daughter, thus starting the line. From that point onwards, the Temples were werewolf healers. They shunned contact with “Alunars”, and the Ministry preferred that things stayed that way. Occasionally a desperate witch or wizard would track one of them down, seeking treatment from the werewolves when all else failed. There were stories of remarkable cures, although with a substantial payment demanded unless they were treating a werewolf. The Temples were a law unto themselves.
“You are well-informed, Severus,” Lupin said eventually.
“There are discussions among potion makers. The Temples have invented many potions, healing potions mostly. At times they have been willing to share the recipes. Most of the potions are so difficult that few are interested in making them, although some have made it into wider use. ” Snape paused, frowning. “Oh, shit, I thought my brain was actually working for once, but…I have no idea what those potions are.”
“Argyria, Dragonbalm and Postlune are the only ones I’m aware of. Argyria’s been known about for years of course.” Lupin said, failing to mask a look of pain as he remembered the months of agonising treatment, with the smoking liquid poured onto his wounds from a silver jug. “And Drgaonbalm. Postlune is new, Lucretia introduced that.”
“That… that doesn’t sound familiar. What is it? What’s in it?”
Lupin smiled slightly, noticing a definite spark of interest in Snape’s voice.
“It’s a healing potion for after the full moon. It’s amazing, werewolves who are fit are often nearly at full strength again in a few hours. I’m still in a bad way for a few days, but then I’m…not in the best shape anyway. I couldn’t tell you exactly what was in it, but if I remember correctly, there are a lot of poisons. Orpiment, I think. Ergot and… henbane. I couldn’t name them all though. Apparently it’s very difficult and dangerous. Maybe not as difficult as Wolfsbane, but definitely quite advanced.”
“I don’t suppose they would share the recipe? Not that I could make it, but…I suppose it would be interesting to see.”
“I’m sure I could ask. And if you were looking for a distraction, I do have a few old potion books here.”
“You? What are you doing with potion books?” Snape snorted scornfully.
“I wasn’t completely incompetent, Severus.”
“No, you weren’t,” Snape admitted. “You always let people think you were less capable than you really were. A lifelong habit of yours. You were actually quite competent at times, I remember you brewed…”
Snape’s voice tailed off and his face lost its expression. Lupin looked at him. Had Snape got confused, lost the thread of his thought? Or had he strayed into a memory he wanted to forget. Lupin redirected the conversation into a safer direction.
“Lucretia will come back tomorrow and check on you before she takes me back to the Institute for the full moon.”
“She’s the healer who has been treating you, isn’t she?”
Lupin nodded.
“She saved my life. Even if the St Mungo’s healers had treated me, which they wouldn’t, I doubt they’d have taken so much care. Nobody expected me to be able to walk again, and I can, sometimes anyway. At one stage I could barely do any magic, now I can do most things, at least on my better days. She doesn’t have much experience with eyes, so she hasn’t been able to figure out what’s wrong with my eye, but that’s not so bad. With the glasses I get by.”
Lupin turned again to Hagrid and Grimmy in the garden. Grimmy was bounding around Hagrid, tirelessly streaking after the ball when he threw it, occasionally flopping on his back at Hagrid’s feet to get his belly scratched.
“I could watch Grimmy for hours, Severus. Just watching his complete joy in life makes me feel a little happier.”
“Small things amuse small minds, Lupin.”
Lupin glanced at Snape. He was tempted to remind the man that he willingly spent many hours with the dog himself, but stopped himself from baiting Snape while he was still ill.
Although Snape was undoubtedly better than he had been earlier, Lupin was still concerned. Snape was slumped against the window frame, too weak to sit comfortably upright. Without the flush of fever, his face was deathly pale, and he was underweight almost to the point of emaciation. And Lupin noticed something that hadn’t been there earlier, a faint trembling. He could just be cold, but it could also be a return of the post-Cruciatus symptoms.
“Severus?”
Lupin put his hand gently on Snape’s back, feeling the tremors that were building up deep in his body.
“Severus, do you need the anti-Crucio potion?”
Snape said nothing.
“Severus?”
“I’m fine.”
“I really don’t think so, Severus.”
Lupin looked at him more closely. Snape was avoiding his eyes, and had an odd expression on his face.
“Severus, what is it?” A note of irritation was creeping into Lupin’s voice.
Very softly, Snape replied, “You can’t take the anti-Crucio potion.”
Lupin realised that the look on Snape’s face was guilt. He let out a huff of breath.
“For Merlin’s sake, Severus, don’t be ridiculous. If you need the damn potion, just take it.”
Snape flinched at the snappy tone in Lupin’s voice. Realising just how fragile the man still was, Lupin immediately regretted his sharp words. He was always irritable in the days before the full moon, along with the tiredness, aches, lack of concentration and frustrating absent-mindedness.
“I’m sorry, Severus, I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” he said, his voice now gentle again. “You know, Harry needs the potion himself on occasion. It doesn’t bother me that he takes it although I can’t. It would upset me far more to watch him suffer.”
“Yes, but he’s… Harry Potter. He’s…”
“He’s what, Severus?”
“You… he’s your friend’s son. You care about him.”
“I care about you too, Severus. We all do. Please, Severus, take the potion.”
Snape hung his head forward and sighed. Finally he nodded, without lifting his head or meeting Lupin’s eye. Lupin reached for the bottle, poured out a measure and gave it to Snape.
“Thank you, Lupin,” Snape said quietly.
“It’s no trouble, Severus,” Lupin responded, realising that it was a rare thing indeed to be thanked by Snape.
“Well, that’s a lie. Clearly it’s a great deal of trouble. I’ve caused you nothing but trouble. I…I don’t understand why. Why you would do this for me.”
Lupin looked across at Snape, noticing the resigned expression and the way he hung his head, as if ashamed. As if, Lupin thought, he didn’t believe he deserved to be cared for when sick. As if he didn’t believe he deserved friends who would stand by him when he needed help.
“You know that we all agreed on this, don’t you, when we first realised how ill you were?”
“Who? Agreed on what?”
“Harry, Andromeda and I. That we would look after you. Get you through this time. And then give you a home if you needed one. We all agreed you would never end up in Asphodel Fields.”
“But why, I don’t understand.”
Snape looked down, his voice soft, almost whimpering.
“Because we care about you, Severus. Because you were one of the great heroes of the war, both wars. You made huge sacrifices to carry out Dumbledore’s wishes, and he asked more of you than anyone should ask of another. You deserve to have people stand by you now.”
“That’s rubbish. I did my part, as you did. I also did the most appalling things. I didn’t join the death eaters to be Dumbledore’s spy, I joined because I wanted to. I committed countless atrocities, created foul potions and hexes, I tortured, I killed. I’m a despicable, disgusting creature and there is nothing that will erase the vileness of what I’ve done, nothing, nothing.”
Snape was becoming agitated, his breathing rapid, eyes wild. Lupin placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Severus, please, that’s not true. I’ve seen time and again that you are a good man. Please, please calm yourself.”
Snape shook his head, but his breathing slowed. As it did, his eyes went blank, and Lupin realised that he was trying to find some mental shields. Asking Snape to calm himself was a mistake when his mind was in such as state.
“Severus, stay with me.”
But Snape had retreated to an unreachable corner of his mind. In his place, Lupin was once again faced with Sevvy.